ASSOCIABLE PRESS: April 1, 2012
Following the huge success of their revision of Wonder Woman's origins–first making her the daughter of the Greek god of philanderers, Zeus, and then "interpreting" Hippolyta and Amazons as rapists and baby-murderers–DC Comics announced at Emerald City Comicon today that they will soon reveal that Batman's deceased parents, Thomas and Martha Wayne, were Nazi sympathizers during World War II. Asked about the change, representives of the firm of Didio, Johns, and Lee explained that "they simply didn't think Batman was angry enough."
When they hinted that a young Jim Gordon may have been the one to shoot the Waynes, a fan stood up to point out the similarity of the new origin to that of the Wrath from 1984's Batman Special #1. In response, Didio threw up his hands and shouted, "Who remembers that? It's the New 52, baby! Everything's fair game now!" before high-fiving Johns and Lee.
The reveal will occur in a special one-shot, Alfred: The Remains of the Day.
Sources at DC who shall remain unnamed suggested that if this proves as successful as the Wonder Woman revamp, the Kents may be retconned as members of the Manson family, Barry Allen's parents would be reimagined as running a meth lab, and Hal Jordan's dad will have been a big douchebag.
Mark D. White 
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